Sunday, July 3, 2011

Big Bad-Ass Double Break Shell Shop

The shops spring up around town in early June to sell their wares. I walked by this one several times before I got the nerve to go in. It's like porno in that I'm curious, but afraid it will some how rub off on me and, even though I just took a peek, people would somehow knowBut the pull was too strong, the graphics too bright, too garish and I succumbed to the allure of ... 

There was nothing girly about the place. None of merchandise took the form of something lacy. Nothing that looked like perfume, high heels, or strings of shiny beads. There were a number of items that could be said to resemble lipsticks, but were about eighteen inches long and had fuses on them.


I'd been told I'd find everything I might need to help create an atmosphere for astounding fireworks. But they didn't have any nice candies, strawberry cheesecake or champagne. They did, however, have an item that looked like it might be a gold-foil wrapped chocolate version of a jug of moonshine. It did say "Moonshine" on the label, too.

I also like models and I did want the folded paper representations of fire engines, race cars and helicopters. Can you possibly imagine all the workers being paid pennies a day to fold the paper around hundreds of these little toys?

I liked the little helicopters best because they seemed to be "mission ready," so to speak, but the race cars looked as though they'd suffered an immense pile-up in Turn One at the Speedway.


I saw a couple groups of grown men standing around, giggling among themselves as though they'd found their first titty magazine, fingering the merchandise like little boys plotting mischief. Well, the fireworks they desired were vastly different than mine unless, of course, Viagra and black powder are one and the same. Then the warning below could be used for both, especially if the "other caution" somewhere contains the words "lasts more than four hours."

Pshooey! Wow! Bang! Ka-pow! Zowey! 
Three minutes pass and it's all over 'til next year.


dive said...

Hahahaha. What an excellent post, Speedway, and a real eye-opener on American life. I keep forgetting it's the fourth of July coming up (that one goes unnoticed over here as it celebrates our dumb king and government losing our Colonies).
I've never seen anything like those car and helicopter fireworks. Strange! I love the warning labels.
You're right about men and fireworks. It's like men and barbecues. Most men are too lazy or stupid to cook but stand them in front of a barbie and they're lost in their happy little macho world. Anything messy or noisy and men revert to childhood.
Have a great Fourth of July!

Gerald (Hyde DP) said...

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lin said...

the tanks always come after me, I fear them.